Thursday, October 4, 2007
I am sweet, MOM!
Yesterday McKenzie kept climbing on my dresser. I am not sure why the sudden fascination with my dresser but Ashton did it a couple of days ago also. My mirror is not attached so when I said uh oh to Ashton he quickly tried to jump down and accidently pulled the mirror piece with all the breakables in the little corner shelves. It didn't completely fall down but it tipped and broke on of my Willow Tree trinkets that I recieved for my first mothers day. I am just thankful he didn't bring the mirror down on top of himself. But anyhow when I saw McKenzie climbing up on the dresser too I thought here we go again. So I calmly took her off the dresser saying uh oh looks like a little bedroom time. I asked her, "Would you like the door open or shut? She didn't choose within 10 seconds so I chose for her. I shut the door behind me. She screamed, cried, whined for about 30 minutes. About 15 minutes into this expirence I calmly said through the door I will be happy to let you out when you are sweet. OOPS I should have said acting sweet!-- I am still learning all of this L&L stuff. Well I must have hurt her little feeling because in the sweetest, heartbroken voice I hear, " I am sweet, MOM! Which was repeated several times. Reminding me that even when she is kicking the floor and throwing a fit she is my sweet babydoll.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Love and Logic in Phoenix!!
Jim Fay is going to be in Arizona on Nov. 30 at the Marriott near the airport from 8:30 until 2:30. Is anyone interested in going??
Sunday, September 16, 2007
CD Recommendations
I thought I might do a short review of a few of the Cd's offered by Love and Logic. You really can't go wrong with any of the material, and my favorite thing is that it's all funny-so it makes it really easy to listen. I put them on while I'm cleaning and get a whole heap of things done!
Right now I think the best buy is the Early Childhood Package, there's a lot contained in there. (check out prices and content on the website...I'll write more detailed reviews later)
My favorite CD is actually a book on 4 disc's so it's a little longer. It's called "From Innocence to Entitlement" written by Jim Fay. The content is by far the most balanced and logical from every angle. I enjoy the way it makes me think by stating research, history and application examples.
My favorite live CD I would have to say is the Energy Drain CD. It just covers so much...and most of it addresses the most common issues/practices that I see parents struggle with. The examples are super helpful and it helps in dealing with arguing, saying too much, energy drains...well basically everything.
I think I'll start doing posts as I listen to each individual CD and everyone can add their two bits in:)
Happy Listening!
Right now I think the best buy is the Early Childhood Package, there's a lot contained in there. (check out prices and content on the website...I'll write more detailed reviews later)
My favorite CD is actually a book on 4 disc's so it's a little longer. It's called "From Innocence to Entitlement" written by Jim Fay. The content is by far the most balanced and logical from every angle. I enjoy the way it makes me think by stating research, history and application examples.
My favorite live CD I would have to say is the Energy Drain CD. It just covers so much...and most of it addresses the most common issues/practices that I see parents struggle with. The examples are super helpful and it helps in dealing with arguing, saying too much, energy drains...well basically everything.
I think I'll start doing posts as I listen to each individual CD and everyone can add their two bits in:)
Happy Listening!
Kim's conversation with Jim Fay Oct 2006
One of the benefits to facilitating the L&L program is that I get direct access to talk to Jim Fay. So during my last class I was able to discuss with him a few questions we had come up with. It was quite interesting to say the least, he's definately a wonderful man and very sincere and caring. I could very much tell that he's in this to help people and not sell a product...which made me love L&L all the more!
Something I did find funny tho was how he made me think...kept saying stuff like "well, what would you try?" and "how do you think that would turn out?"...In the most loving way I wanted to say "knock it off, I can totally tell what you're doing!" Here I was getting Love and Logic-ed from the grand master himself ~ Actually quite a thrill! Anyway, hope the notes are helpful!
Conversation with Jim Fay October 6, 2006
Be careful about saying I’m sorry to a child…probably not a good Idea to use as an empathetic statement unless it’s something like “this is so sorry”…but there are so many better ones to use it shouldn’t be necessary.
When teaching “I’m sorry” Don’t force child to say it…bad, has never worked for the last 30 years, never will. Best to teach it by example…as with all manners. Forcing never works. One way to effectively teach is to have a conversation with a friend or family member in front of the child when they don’t think they’re supposed to hear it.
Training session for severe in-car misbehavior. Have someone follow the car…preferably someone they know but who isn’t going to be nice. When the child starts acting up pull over and that someone takes them to their home and puts them in their room, then makes them pay for the babysitting/gas money. (always good to have a nice new toy to pay for such sessions) Also, it’s good if you’re going some place the child wants to go.
Corner is okay if it’s successful…use whatever has the best odds for success. Some children don’t have a temperament that will allow for something like this to be used but it needs to be a place they will stay and be safe. If going upstairs to the bedroom is inconvenient too bad, parenting is hard work. You can also use a room downstairs.
Great statement he made… “Is it working well, or is the kid working you?”
There are 2 things that will make L&L not work
Anger instead of empathy (don’t look for excuses not to use)
Too many words
Jim could care less if people buy this stuff or not. He’s saying here’s what I’ve got, if you like it and choose to use it and it works, great! If you choose not to use it or do the 2 things that make it not work, so sad! You don’t have to buy everything on the menu.
Uh-Oh is NOT a time-out! Time-outs don’t work…the whole set the timer for every year of the kids life is NOT L&L and that doesn’t work. Kids are old enough to be put in their room as soon as they’re old enough to climb out of the playpen. Timer is NOT to be set until the child is calm (oops, guess I was doing it wrong).
A lot of this stuff seems really harsh when I go back over it…but since I’ve been listening to some of their other CD’s and hearing them discuss the research behind other theory’s that have been used in the past I can really see the wisdom in their ways.
Something I did find funny tho was how he made me think...kept saying stuff like "well, what would you try?" and "how do you think that would turn out?"...In the most loving way I wanted to say "knock it off, I can totally tell what you're doing!" Here I was getting Love and Logic-ed from the grand master himself ~ Actually quite a thrill! Anyway, hope the notes are helpful!
Conversation with Jim Fay October 6, 2006
Be careful about saying I’m sorry to a child…probably not a good Idea to use as an empathetic statement unless it’s something like “this is so sorry”…but there are so many better ones to use it shouldn’t be necessary.
When teaching “I’m sorry” Don’t force child to say it…bad, has never worked for the last 30 years, never will. Best to teach it by example…as with all manners. Forcing never works. One way to effectively teach is to have a conversation with a friend or family member in front of the child when they don’t think they’re supposed to hear it.
Training session for severe in-car misbehavior. Have someone follow the car…preferably someone they know but who isn’t going to be nice. When the child starts acting up pull over and that someone takes them to their home and puts them in their room, then makes them pay for the babysitting/gas money. (always good to have a nice new toy to pay for such sessions) Also, it’s good if you’re going some place the child wants to go.
Corner is okay if it’s successful…use whatever has the best odds for success. Some children don’t have a temperament that will allow for something like this to be used but it needs to be a place they will stay and be safe. If going upstairs to the bedroom is inconvenient too bad, parenting is hard work. You can also use a room downstairs.
Great statement he made… “Is it working well, or is the kid working you?”
There are 2 things that will make L&L not work
Anger instead of empathy (don’t look for excuses not to use)
Too many words
Jim could care less if people buy this stuff or not. He’s saying here’s what I’ve got, if you like it and choose to use it and it works, great! If you choose not to use it or do the 2 things that make it not work, so sad! You don’t have to buy everything on the menu.
Uh-Oh is NOT a time-out! Time-outs don’t work…the whole set the timer for every year of the kids life is NOT L&L and that doesn’t work. Kids are old enough to be put in their room as soon as they’re old enough to climb out of the playpen. Timer is NOT to be set until the child is calm (oops, guess I was doing it wrong).
A lot of this stuff seems really harsh when I go back over it…but since I’ve been listening to some of their other CD’s and hearing them discuss the research behind other theory’s that have been used in the past I can really see the wisdom in their ways.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
It's a beautiful thing
I wanted to share a little happy story. Today I went to a scrapbook sale and I actually made it through every aisle without having a panic attack or getting upset and leaving then getting in the car and crying or yelling. I had so much fun with McKenzie ( a three year old for all those who don't know) I asked her to be my big girl helper and hold my bag. And she did it. I held one side and she held the other. That way she was helping but I could keep her by me (instead of telling her she had to hold my hand!) If she started to wonder off I simply said Oh No.... And stood there and she would look at me and then say sorry mom. I haven't read the books yet but Kim has given me a few tips so I am starting to implement the OH NO, that's sad, and bummer to my parenting skills. I have had 2 days filled with laughter, love, and FUN! That hasn't happened for a long time. Hopefully I am doing everything right!! I guess I better introduce myself I am a friend of Kim's. I live in Utah. I have 2 children, a 6 year old boy Ashton and a 3 year old girl McKenzie. I am married to my best friend Paul. We have been through so much together and I can't imagine what I would do without him. Again a huge THANKS to Kim for all your help!
In the Middle of Madness
Now I know madness is not a love and logic term, but it still exists in my head sometimes. I should take a minute to introduce myself quickly and then get to the point of this post. I am the mother of two with another on the way. Cooper will be 3 next month (the current love and logic subject), Seneca is almost 4 months old and in 4 months another will join our family.
I fully appreciate the wisdom and principles found in love and logic and if I could always implement them correctly and with consistency I'm sure my household would run quite smoothly every day! While some of what I need help with is embarrassing, I am going to swallow my pride and share and hopefully benefit from all of you.
I am currently in the very middle (hopefully nearing the end) of a beautiful teaching time-out session. Coop is in his room, door locked and has been there for quite some time. He's quiet now, but refuses to let me set the timer. The rule is that the timer must be set for 2 minutes and ding before the door gets opened. He's having a hard time grasping that today. I keep hearing, "I want to come out, no timer." Hmmm... I could simply set it without him knowing, but that's not the point, is it? The poor kid is exhausted and luckily there have been enough household tasks to keep me busy near his room so I can stay nearby. I haven't been very good about that part in the past. It's been easy for me to put him in time out and walk away for a while, but after rereading some of the L&L material, I remembered I need to stay close. My downfall is always trying to talk to much, to reason and to see if I explain things differently if he will finally get it. I'm working on saying less and letting the consequence do the teaching, but good grief! I do have things to do today and on any other day, we would need to be in the car heading somewhere by this time. I'm taking this one as a "wait it out and he'll get it" situation- any feedback is completely welcome! I'll let you know how it turns out!
Update: I waited a bit longer, then went ahead setting the timer, telling him that as soon as it rang he could come out, if he wasn't crying. I let him hear it ring and opened the door, hoping he caught the correlation. While I know talking after a time-out session isn't recommended, we did chat about the timer. He said he doesn't like the timer, which I don't understand because it has never been an issue before. He usually gets to come out of his room and turn it off himself and loves that. I hope the rest of the day goes smoothly, but if not, perhaps we'll get another opportunity to practice! Thoughts on the situation? Really, I'm open to them!!
I fully appreciate the wisdom and principles found in love and logic and if I could always implement them correctly and with consistency I'm sure my household would run quite smoothly every day! While some of what I need help with is embarrassing, I am going to swallow my pride and share and hopefully benefit from all of you.
I am currently in the very middle (hopefully nearing the end) of a beautiful teaching time-out session. Coop is in his room, door locked and has been there for quite some time. He's quiet now, but refuses to let me set the timer. The rule is that the timer must be set for 2 minutes and ding before the door gets opened. He's having a hard time grasping that today. I keep hearing, "I want to come out, no timer." Hmmm... I could simply set it without him knowing, but that's not the point, is it? The poor kid is exhausted and luckily there have been enough household tasks to keep me busy near his room so I can stay nearby. I haven't been very good about that part in the past. It's been easy for me to put him in time out and walk away for a while, but after rereading some of the L&L material, I remembered I need to stay close. My downfall is always trying to talk to much, to reason and to see if I explain things differently if he will finally get it. I'm working on saying less and letting the consequence do the teaching, but good grief! I do have things to do today and on any other day, we would need to be in the car heading somewhere by this time. I'm taking this one as a "wait it out and he'll get it" situation- any feedback is completely welcome! I'll let you know how it turns out!
Update: I waited a bit longer, then went ahead setting the timer, telling him that as soon as it rang he could come out, if he wasn't crying. I let him hear it ring and opened the door, hoping he caught the correlation. While I know talking after a time-out session isn't recommended, we did chat about the timer. He said he doesn't like the timer, which I don't understand because it has never been an issue before. He usually gets to come out of his room and turn it off himself and loves that. I hope the rest of the day goes smoothly, but if not, perhaps we'll get another opportunity to practice! Thoughts on the situation? Really, I'm open to them!!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Our Love and Logic Story
One of the first questions people often ask me about Love and Logic is how I heard about it. Well, My oldest (Cole) had just turned one and the parenting questions I had went from things like "is this rash okay?" and "what should his sleep schedule be?" to "why is he acting like that?" and "why does he keep SCREAMING?" And I found at the age of one is when behavioral issues really start to try any parenting skills I thought I had. So I began to look for books with advice on one-year-olds...and didn't find anything! There were plenty of books to help you get thru that first year, and lots of books for the "terrible" twos and beyond but nothing for what I needed.
Then my girlfriend Ashlee, who has a son one month older than Cole, was told about Love and Logic. I think we found the book at the library? And after I read it I was hooked. My first purchase was the Early Childhood Package from the Love and Logic institute. I listened to all the CD's and really started applying the principles little by little. The funny thing is that when I was listening to the tapes I was so excited to share them with my husband (Clint) and the best way I could find to describe the basic principle was "it's just so LOGICAL!"
After a few of us Mom's had all gotten into it and were discussing it more and more I thought it might be beneficial to see when a speaker was coming to town or what it would cost to schedule a speaker. So I called Love and Logic...talked with a real person...and after discussing costs of speakers they suggested that I just become an Early Childhood Facilitator and teach the classes myself. That was a no-brainer decision and one of my best ever.
Once I started teaching the class I began to see even more of a positive impact in our home. Not only was my son happier but for me parenting was all of a sudden easier and I had an immense amount of energy!!! I think Clint saw the most change in me...now when he walked in the door at the end of the day his wife was full of energy and ready to spend quality time with him instead of totally exausted saying "it's your turn." (by the way, I should mention that at this time is also when I had my second son, Masen). I had so much extra energy that when he went out of town for 4 days I cleaned and organized my sister's house and my own, painted/redecorated our bedroom and purged the boys toys (all with a 3 month old and an almost 2 year old). And I was happy to do it!
Since starting to facilitate the class I've invested in all the CD's and DVD's available. I try and listen to at least one a week to keep me on top of things. When I see Cole starting to get a little out of hand I put one of those on and even though it doesn't seem like I'm making a drastic change he gets back in line. All the media they have is great and all covers the same basic principles from as many different directions you can think of.
So that's it for now...I've got an entry about the great day we had on Tuesday but the munchkins are awake now so it'll have to wait till later!!!
Then my girlfriend Ashlee, who has a son one month older than Cole, was told about Love and Logic. I think we found the book at the library? And after I read it I was hooked. My first purchase was the Early Childhood Package from the Love and Logic institute. I listened to all the CD's and really started applying the principles little by little. The funny thing is that when I was listening to the tapes I was so excited to share them with my husband (Clint) and the best way I could find to describe the basic principle was "it's just so LOGICAL!"
After a few of us Mom's had all gotten into it and were discussing it more and more I thought it might be beneficial to see when a speaker was coming to town or what it would cost to schedule a speaker. So I called Love and Logic...talked with a real person...and after discussing costs of speakers they suggested that I just become an Early Childhood Facilitator and teach the classes myself. That was a no-brainer decision and one of my best ever.
Once I started teaching the class I began to see even more of a positive impact in our home. Not only was my son happier but for me parenting was all of a sudden easier and I had an immense amount of energy!!! I think Clint saw the most change in me...now when he walked in the door at the end of the day his wife was full of energy and ready to spend quality time with him instead of totally exausted saying "it's your turn." (by the way, I should mention that at this time is also when I had my second son, Masen). I had so much extra energy that when he went out of town for 4 days I cleaned and organized my sister's house and my own, painted/redecorated our bedroom and purged the boys toys (all with a 3 month old and an almost 2 year old). And I was happy to do it!
Since starting to facilitate the class I've invested in all the CD's and DVD's available. I try and listen to at least one a week to keep me on top of things. When I see Cole starting to get a little out of hand I put one of those on and even though it doesn't seem like I'm making a drastic change he gets back in line. All the media they have is great and all covers the same basic principles from as many different directions you can think of.
So that's it for now...I've got an entry about the great day we had on Tuesday but the munchkins are awake now so it'll have to wait till later!!!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Getting Started
I think we all need pick me ups much more often that we allow ourselves to get them. This is especially true in parenting...and what better way to get picked up than to share one another's success stories! I know I learn the most from the stories I hear from my friends and family and the stories I hear thru Love and Logic. So I decided to start this blog for all my friends that Love "Love and Logic" as much as I do...or anyone who is just starting to experience how great parenting can be with it's guidance.
In order to post you'll need to get in contact with me so I can make you an author (you'll need a google account in order to be an author).
Thanks for visiting, I look forward to hearing all your wonderful success stories!!!
In order to post you'll need to get in contact with me so I can make you an author (you'll need a google account in order to be an author).
Thanks for visiting, I look forward to hearing all your wonderful success stories!!!
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